You say you’re interested in checking out the library’s ghost hunting kit? Excellent. My name is Catherine and I can help you with that since I was on the committee that picked out the kits for the library. What’s in the kit, you ask? Some really cool stuff. A camera and flexible tripod so you can photograph anything—or anyone—that might appear to you. There’s a wrist recorder so you can capture anything you hear, like voices or rattling chains or stuff. And a nifty little instrument that will pick up electronic signals as sometimes ghosts give those off. And of course, a well-worn copy of Ghost Hunting for Dummies.
Do I know anything about ghosts? Well, modestly, I do consider myself somewhat of an expert on ghosts. My last book was called Ghost of the Heart and contained an awesome ghost. My current project has three—count’em three!—ghosts, one of which is a dog. Not everyone can pull off a ghost dog, so yes, I am an expert on ghosts.
Have I ever seen a ghost? Well, no, but you don’t have to see them to know they are there. I once sensed the spirits of a man, woman, and child in the crumbling ruins of a stone house from the 1700s. I’ve never forgotten that experience.
What else? Well, I took a ghost tour of St. Augustine, FL, and when we toured the Old Jail, I could feel something so heavy and dark that I had goosebumps the entire time I was inside.
Frightened of ghosts? No, don’t be silly. Of course my friend Phyllis thinks otherwise. She loves to tell the story of the year our group was on our annual writing retreat on a small island on Rainy Lake (think close enough to Canada you could swim there.) I’d been desperate to see a ghost (almost everyone had had some sort of ghostly experience on the island except me) but by the last night, nada! Phyllis remembers being out on her last midnight canoe paddle of the retreat when she looked up at our cabin to see every single light on, the cabin shining bright as the sun.
Well, yes, there might have been a moment when you might think I’d been afraid. It could have been that moment when a small door at the top of a ladder about five feet from my bed opened, ever so slooowly and ever so creakily. It was the classic ghostly creaking.
Me, afraid? Rubbish. I turned on all the lights because…I was dusting, yeah, that’s it. I needed to dust the cabin. In fact, I dusted until Phyllis finally got tired of selfishly enjoying her canoe ride under the moonlight and finally realized I might want some company. Sheesh.
What’s that? You’d like me to come along and demonstrate the equipment? Love to.
No, I haven’t seen the 10 things to know before hunting ghosts. May I see the list? Hmmm. The first one is Never go alone. Ha! That’s a given, right? Hmm, this is interesting: Bring extra batteries for your equipment because certain entities have the ability to drain batteries. Well, that’s disturbing. What if one drains my flashlight battery and leaves me in the dark?
Hmm. Here’s something I’ve never heard before: In case you encounter a real ghost, say a prayer for protection and guidance. Tell the ghost you come in peace. Yikes. Prayers are necessary? I didn’t know that. None of my characters prayed when they encountered the ghosts in my books.
Oh, dear, look at this one. They say you should also say a prayer, out loud, when you leave, asking the spirits not to follow you home. Holy crap—spirits can follow you home? They can inhabit your house and wake you up at night and creak open doors and make you pee yourself a little to imagine a ghost standing in the dark right beside you?
Wow. This is all very…interesting. You say you’re ready to check out the ghost hunting kit and set up a time for me to accompany you?
Gosh darn it—look at the time. I’m late, very late…for something. If you want to check out the ghost hunting kit, our librarian would be happy to assist you.
What’s that? You’ve forgotten my name but need it so you can set up a ghost hunting appointment with me?
It’s Phyllis. Gotta go.
Okay. No ghost story. But the next time I see you ...