It's Raining Squirrels

I’ve written about this before, but I have an update. First, in case there are those of you who don’t know, squirrels fall out of trees…all the time. One landed three feet from the late, great 100-pound Lucy dog, who, lucky for the squirrel, was on a leash. The squirrel survived to fall again.

Another squirrel came down with a large branch that crashed onto our deck and rolled down the stairs. Melissa watched as a squirrel staggered from the pile of leaves, shook itself off, and then ran back up the tree. Another fell thirty feet with a branch right into the middle of the street. He sat there for awhile, feeling his mortality, then ran back up the tree.

But two recent events have really shaken me. One morning I was in my office working when I heard a metal twang. Looked out in time to see that a squirrel had just landed on the arm of a deck chair. The nearest branch was 30 feet up. Poor thing stretched out along the arm of the chair and took a moment to compose himself, then he took off down the deck stairs and ran back up the tree. If I’d been sitting in that chair, which I often do, the squirrel would have landed in my lap.

In my lap, people.

Last week I was sitting on the deck reading when something crashed right behind me. I whirled around to discover a squirrel sitting on the now-crushed plastic pot we use to store the garden hose. (Said pot did not survive.) Stunned, we looked at each other, separated by a mere two feet. That was too close for the both of us, so he took off. Two feet, people, two feet! Any closer and the squirrel would have landed on my head and scrambled for purchase and totally freaked me out and given me nightmares for life, not to mention possibly lice or nits or whatever might have been living on his furry self.

How can squirrels survive such falls? I found an explanation: The force of gravity pulls objects down, but if the thing is too light, it will not reach a high enough velocity to cause severe injury or death. It turns out that squirrels, because they weigh so little, don’t pick up much speed. They achieve their maximum velocity in just a second or two, which gives them plenty of time to curl up into a ball. Also, their hind legs are strong enough to absorb the impact of a fall. Squirrels can survive falls from up to 100 feet.

While this is good news for squirrels, it does little to calm my fears of being squirreled on my own deck. If you come to visit, we will ask you to wear a bike helmet, hard hat, or at least open an umbrella. You never know when these guys are gonna bounce off your head.

You thought falling branches were the safety issue? No. Squirrels are the true threat. Spread the word!

Next week, we journey back in time to a funeral for a turtle.

Thanks for reading, and remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

(Source of quote: the classic movie, Buckaroo Bonzai. Yes, I know, Confucius said it 2000 years ago, but Buckaroo Bonzai said it best!) Ohh, and look at me, below, figuring out how to add ‘buttons’ in a Substack post. :-)